Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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