i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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