I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
