wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
