Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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