i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
