"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
