It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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