Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
