i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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