Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
