Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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