I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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