Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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