Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
