I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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