Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
