Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
