; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
