I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
