wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
