then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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