I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
