So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
