I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
