The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
