I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
