Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
