A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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