my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
