the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
