He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
