someone owes me an orgasm
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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