Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
