I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
