So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
