Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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