like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
