I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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