Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
