When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
