No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
