Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
