Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
