brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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