The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
