Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
