Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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