the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
