Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
