Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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